I have to force myself to do this. I need to put words down. I need to face my fear of failure. Some day I won't need to start everything that I write with this kind of pep talk.

I am afraid that my words won't stand up to what I have heard others say. I am a phrasologist; I deal in snips and clips of sentences. I don't move on to the substantial. I stay near the surface. Fear, so much fear. It stops my words at simile, it holds my tongue at metaphor.

Saying Something

Words frighten and fascinate me. There is such power in the ability to communicate. Words offer me the chance to leave a mark on the world. I'd like to be a writer.

I just deleted my first three sentences and then replaced them with a trusty "ctrl z". I'm never going to learn to express myself if I go on this way.

I work in a community centre. It's in one of the poorest areas in my city. Today I played bingo with the adult social group that has dinner there once a week. They welcomed me into their game with no questions. Three ladies and two grizzled old men around a table, waiting in expectation as the aged bingo-ball dispenser cranked over. I had to ask them to explain what playing for an "h" means.

I love bingo as much as they do; I felt bad when I won.

Ah Yes

I love blogging. I've avoided it for quite some time because of some rather nasty comments that someone published about me (sure some of it was true). For a long time that made me vow to not blog abut myself at all. But, I love the idea of self expression and the possibility of an audience. I think I'd be deathly afraid if I believed that there was some great readership out there. However, most likely my blog is destined to join the great ocean of white noise that is the internet. It's all about the obscurity.

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